the title goes here. ha!

Well it has been a few months since I've been on here..
Just haven't really been in a mood to put my feelings out there I guess.
But, here I am...

End of May we went to WV for the summer.. We had an amazing time.. up until
about the last few weeks.. some things happened.. that I will not go into.. Just know
that we need prayers for the situation. And that's all that we can do or ask for. I
KNOW God is in control of the situation.. and His will, will be done with it.

Since we've been home, Tyler has started 7th grade, Jadyn 5th and Laynee 2nd.
They all seem to be adjusting well to school.

We ALL miss Dustin so much.. its hard to even put into words how much we miss him..
Since he has moved to a different location, communication is definitely better.
They did send some guys home since it's no longer a "combat" zone. Please remember..
Dustin's brigade was AND remains a COMBAT brigade. There is a reason he is
still there, there is a reason he was not in the group that came home.. and I have
peace with that also. In the group that did come home was one of our very good friends..
Travis. He is like a kid of my own, only bigger. Leading up to the ceremony I was doing ok..
days prior, hours prior. When we got to the SEC I was doing ok. Now, the kids before the ceremony were very upset... couldn't understand why Trav could come home and not daddy. As the ceremony got closer, they started to get excited. Now, back to what I was saying before. I was doing ok. I was "prepared" I should have known better. Once the 'patriotic' music started playing... it hit. YES! our Soldiers' are coming HOME! NO! my husband is not here.. won't be next week, next month... we still have seven more months. UGH! It was such a bittersweet evening. No matter how many times I looked at the names, no matter how many times I told myself.. Dustin is not in this bunch... it is and always will be our (as a military wife) nature to scan the sea of cammo searching for the love of my life. We made a big sign for Trav that said.. TRAV and had a HUGE eye on there.. cuz well, I call him Trav-eye. Lol. Its been a blessing to have him 'home.' Raegynn's bff is here... he's helped with Dustin's car, made potato soup.. and I know that if I need a moment of sanity he's a phone call away. Still though.. I get that feeling.. UGH! why couldn't they let MINE come home as well... but like I said.... there is a reason. Dealing. Reason. Pray.

Welcome home "tired" Trav! lol
we're so happy you are home!


On to something even MORE exciting.

ANNIVERSARY!!!!!

Wow, 6 years came fast. 6 years ago today I was somehow preparing for my wedding the following day. Introducing my soon-to-be husband to my family. That's right. Introducing. lol. No matter how many times I get to tell someone *our* story.. it NEVER gets old... and makes my heart even more full of love for this man than before. many of you know how our marriage came to be, but some don't .. and I am so lucky.. so, you get to be lucky enough to read about it :)

My very best friend, Crystal and her hubby David kept telling me over and over... just come meet him, you have to meet him, my question always remained what does a 21 year old want with a 25 year old with kids?! Clearly made no sense to me and maybe not you either. haha!
Finally I gave in. I flew out to Colorado and spent a week here with Dustin. I flew back home and felt like I was on cloud 9. Five, yes 5 weeks later, he drove to West Virginia, got in on a Wednesday, we got married on that Friday, and on Saturday we packed up a uhaul and moved across country on Sunday. Everyone thought we were C R A Z Y.. but after time they all realized that we were right.. in every way possible. My husband has shown me unconditional love as a husband and a father. Like any marriage it isn't always easy.. but let me tell you what is.. Loving that man. He has shown me a love that I never even dreamed about, cuz when I dreamed about marriage and love and everything that comes along with it... i NEVER dreamed it to be so amazing. How wonderful to be loved by a man who has shown me so much. He puts up with my crazy, my oops', my blonde moments, my crying moments, my mad moments.. my everything. Thank you husband for giving me everything I ever dreamed of and more, ALWAYS being there.. for having that "spouse radar" that jus lets you know the exact time to call... for showing me the love that I deserve. I hope in our lifetime I will be able to show you just how much you mean to me, how wonderful you make me feel, and just how very much I love you.
Happy Anniversary, Dustin. You STILL take my breath away. I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
Always.

....::: Feelin a bit lost :::.......

I hate feeling this way..

it comes with every deployment...

and it sucks.

I hate not being able to pick up a phone and call my husband.
HATE IT!

Dear Deployment...
I Dislike you SOOO much!

Short and Sweet!

Just need to say....

I love my husband..
I love talking with him..
I love laughing with him..
I love when we're dorks..
I love when even though through the computer screen..
he's a bit pixilated... (SP)
I can still tell EXACTLY what face he is making at me :)
I love how we know what we're gonna say..
and just smile..

some of our conversation...
mind you.. we had been talking for about an hour.. and he takes a drink of water and burps .. i said.. "I can HEAR YOU DORK!! TALK! SPEAK! "
to which he replied with...

[12:10:58 AM] dustinsilvis: you told me to speak and I said woof like a doggy

(he left his reg. head phones in the cp)
the ***'s are what i said aloud to him.. he could hear me..


[12:04:42 AM] dustinsilvis: I havent listened to him since I got here and I dont remember the lyrics by heart. I gotta hear em

*** We were talkin about how he use to sing to me.. and H.I.M had a concert here last month***

[12:05:29 AM] dustinsilvis: :O you didn't go to the him concert last month like I told you to. FOR SHAME
[12:05:44 AM] dustinsilvis: villa?

*** i said .. and what was I supposed to do with our kids ***


[12:05:54 AM] dustinsilvis: they like him, bring them along

[12:05:57 AM] dustinsilvis: villa vallo

*** I said .. um, you mean ville.. that's his name not "a" haha! hang on i'll double check***


[12:06:30 AM] dustinsilvis: I know you will, you have google at yer fingertips and you love to prove me wrong, lol



[12:06:39 AM] tiffany.silvis: Ville Valo. ... Villie Valo
*** to which I said HAHAHAHAH I'm right!!!! ****

(lol)

*** then I taunted him saying.. go ahead.. i know it's hard.. but say it.. type it.. YOU WERE RIGHT TIFF***

[12:07:16 AM] dustinsilvis: well I gotta shower

[12:07:21 AM] dustinsilvis: you

[12:07:22 AM] dustinsilvis: were

[12:07:31 AM] dustinsilvis: righ.....oh look a butterfly

[12:07:48 AM] dustinsilvis: I like jelly beans


LOL I LOVE HIM SOOO MUCH!!!!!

but, I saved the BEST for last.....

[12:13:53 AM] dustinsilvis: I love you too baby. Im glad I got to talk to you. You need to make your runs to the store later in the day so I dont run the risk of missing you before I go to bed. I love you so much baby. Thank you for saying yes and changing my life.

yes, I made it large on purpose... because our love is larger than life.
I am So BLESSED!

40 days feels like 100

My Husband, Their Daddy, Our Hero


Well.. it's day 40... feels like 100. I wish it were one hundred because then it would be closer to r and r.. and closer to my amazing husband HOME!
Raegynn constantly says, "mommee where my daddy" I reply with "he's at work remember?"
she says.. "oh. can he come home now? I miss him too much"
heartbreaking.

I'm looking forward to going to WV. It's getting closer and closer. I cannot wait to see my momma, my brother, and the rest of the family. I think it will help with passing the time by.
I also cannot wait to see Crystal!!! oh the midnight trips to wal mart! GLORIOUS! It's funny, whenever we go.. we ALWAYS run into someone we know. Crazy.

I miss Dustin so much. I'm so afraid to let myself express exactly how I feel, even to myself.. because I'm afraid it will REALLY hit me... and I won't be able to get out of the funk. He's so amazing. Our love has grown so much. It is so unreal to me. When I dreamed, I never dreamed I would love someone THIS much. would miss someone THIS much.
We've been through a lot.. to say the least... and we keep making it.. we always do.
With God on our side, I know we will continue to make it.


With this deployment we're trying to stay busy. Trying to keep our minds off of the negative and focused on the positive. That is all we can do.

I can remember so vividly when we first started talking and he sent me text messages of lyrics. I remember when he first told me he loved me. I remember exactly what he was wearing the day I met him. My memory may be fading in other areas.. (lol) but those are some things I will NEVER forget.

It's funny how the first time I talked to him.. I knew. I knew it was different. I knew he was the ONE! I'm so very blessed to have him as my husband. He's made me a better person, and makes me want to be an even better person.

I'm so incredibly proud of you, Dustin. Thank you for the life you provide for us, the love you give us and for everything in between. We cannot wait until you are home with us where you belong. Keep your faith in the Lord alive in your heart. Know that we may be separated by miles right now, but never separated in our hearts. There isn't a moment that goes by that you aren't on our mind or in our prayers. It gives me strength too, that at night when I look at the moon.. it's the same thing you are looking at when you get up in the morning. Every night when I'm out there.. looking up.. praying, and thinking of you.. I get butterflies.. then a calmness. I know that it's you.

I love you.
Missing you more and more every day.
your wife.

Faith. Family. Love.

Rainy Day

Oh Rainy Day..

I've been able to talk to Dustin regularly which has been extremely nice.. He's doing well with his living conditions.. and I'm so happy he's positive. He's busy and making time to call home. What an amazing guy I have.

Today.. my cousin got married....... I'm sad.. that I couldn't be there... I've seen mobile pictures thus far.. cannot wait to see actual pictures! She looks stunning. Shes like one of my own.. I know as long as they keep God first... they will be just fine. Although, when I get to WV I will surely have a talk with her hubby.. you know the normal threatening things that any good family member would say.. haha jk!
(( or am i?!))

I purchased a hand held Shark cleaner... oh I have been having fun... I don't think my bathroom has ever been more clean! GLORIOUS!
my next purchase will be the steam mop.

Tyler had his tonsils removed on Tuesday.. It has been a painful ride for him.. poor guy. I hate seeing my kids in pain.. knowing there is NOTHING I can do about it.
The doc that did the surgery was EXTREMELY nice. He is a Christian so that put me at complete ease. Tyler has been living on pudding, slushies, and milk shakes. last night he was able to get some cold pasta down. I'm so proud of him.

I've realized that Raegynn has been asking me a lot here recently.. "mommee you happy?" I guess I need to get more smiley... for their sake.. I guess this deployment seems to be harder on all of us..
She did get to talk to him today.. she was grinning from ear to ear!

Well,,, I'm off to clean more.. I have a ton more to say.. but I'm saving it ..
Happy Saturday all.

Insert "smart" title here....

so.. This blog has been set up for a while.. and I haven't put anything on here yet... mainly cuz I really don't know exactly WHAT to put..
I have so much going on right now.. its CRAZY.. With Dustin deployed.. Jadyn has fractured her foot.. Tyler is having his tonsils removed in the morning.. and I'm falling apart.. i mean literally.. I need to go to the doctor.. but moms aren't supposed to get sick.. or need a doctor.. and it always happens when the kids are ill, or needing assistance.. and/or Dustin isn't home.

Is it next year yet?! .. I know I can handle this.. I know I'm fully capable of it.. and with the good Lord on my side I WILL get through it all.. I know I'm strong enough with Him. Sometimes I just get really frustrated..... but that's allowed... right?

I told my mom today.. that if she didn't come help me I wasn't going to go home through the summer. I know she would be here in a heartbeat if she could... Not to mention I really didn't mean it. It was just one of those weak moments.. (that i infrequently have.. hahahaha) Just talking to her helps..

I'm so thankful Georgia is here to help me through... Lord knows I'd be lost without her.. Bless her heart, she is getting up at o'dark thirty (as dustin calls it) to come over here and be with the kids so I can take Tyler in the morning. I hate putting the responsibility of our kids on someone else.. but some how she makes me understand.. that it's ok. I owe her BIG time.

My BFFFFFF (I'd put more f's but i don't want ya to think I'm too crazy.. :/ ) is getting ready for another deployment... I so wish I could be there with her.. and help her... and just be there to make her randomly laugh.. from barking.. or someones butt hanging out.. ( no, not mine haha) or just to cry with her. Dear Army, Can I have my friend back please... sooner than later? KTHANKS! :)

So, I have tons to do tonight.. so I really need to get a move on.. so I can get to bed at a reasonable hour.. and get enough sleep for Tyler's surgery tomorrow.. and pray that I wake up with my alarm..

I think I'm going to like this here blogging thing (yes I meant to say it that way) cuz I'll be able to look back and keep memories.. AND! it'll help pass the time.

Talk soon.